"aint got no time on my hands" and other phrases i thought i'd never say

it's been a long few weeks. extra food has been added to my plate, and i'm struggling to keep a balanced diet. i've never been one to take on more than i can handle. in fact, i've always been accused of slacking more than necessary. it's something i take a bit of pride in. back in college, my favorite prof commented on my GPA (which was 3.2). he said that it was ok for me to be a "B" student. when you're a "B" student, it probably means you can be an "A" student, but have a little too much going on in life to obtain the highest marks. a happy "B" student with "A" capabilities is more than likely an exemplary student: someone who can go out and meet new people at a party, who can enjoy a very late-night convo over coffee, who can philosophize for fun and still manage to attend classes, complete homework and impress professors. i guess the term is "well-rounded individual".

im thankful for my college and post-college experiences. yes, it means i dont have a high paying job, but no, i do not have gaping holes in my social life. this is not to condemn any fellow readers out there who are striving academically or in their careers! please no, i would never do that. in fact, some of my best friends have incredibly successful careers because of a few years of hard work and discipline. and, i'm not condemning my peers in slackerdom - we are worthwhile folk, busy or not. we have amazing minds and talents (and have to tell ourselves this every day).

it's the balance between the folk that tends to falter. i can feel the pressure from my artsy friends for me to be more creative - to publish, to volunteer, to push my artistic limits. i also feel the burn in my cheeks when my "friends with money" invite me to come eat at the newest bistro, or to help purchace beautiful things at the cute boutiques, and i am only able to be a voyeur.

the artsy friends can come across as insincere hipsters - working to accomplish personal goals instead of furthering a cause. the career folk sound materialistic and callous. sometimes i see that happen, but for the most part, it's a sincere focus on what makes that individual happy and satisfied in life. to put my efforts wholly into either of these categories would require a great sacrifice on either of the other horizon.

sometimes this push-me pull-you can really get me down. at it's greatest inflation is when i actually see how much i "slack" in life. how many hours have i "wasted" boozing it up with loved ones, exercising inside instead of outside, working a mindless job solely for it's benefits? this begs the question: am i bettering my person with these activities?

at the end of the day, my answer is usually an emphatic YES. lately it's been more and more difficult to arrive at this conclusion. too many things get in the way - things that force my attention forward or backward instead of settling down where i am at that moment. i am not striving for a big wallet (that would definitely make my ass look huge), or my name in lights (i'm publicly shy)... i am striving for a full heart, to be a positive influence, to smile as many real smiles as possible and to receive copious hugs filled with real love.

am i being kitschy? idealistic? rediculous? frankly, i dont really care, as long as at the end of the day, my nurse friend, my writer husband and my corporate self can sit down with a glass of wine and have a truely wonderful time of it.

oh, the fun of Yum

february books

the voracious reading is back!! it's terribly exciting, and a great indicator that previous months i had been watching too much tv... this month i only indulged in episodes of 6 feet under while elliptisizing (the best way to keep me on the damn thing for 50 min at a pop), lost either on wednesday nights or lunchtime on thursdays (an excellent way to spend your lunchbreak, thank you abc.com), and occasional daily shows & colbert reports. i would also like to thank h & o for helping me return to status of voracious reader. by playing hours and hours of madden on the wii, they heartily encouraged me to look away from the tv and bury my nose in a book.

book #1
remains of the day by kazuo ishiguro

bookclub book o'the month. i discussed my deep feelings for this on the bookclub blog, and i dont really wish to rehash them here. long time butler stevens obtains permission from his new boss to take a small road trip. steven's goes to visit a former head housemaid, and on the way reminices about the famous household they organized together. comprised of memories and ruminations on a life lived in the service of others, this is a book for english fans. let me clarify - people who enjoy fiction that takes place in england, and has all of the linguistics and restraints that define mid-20th century england. not my bag of beans, but it was well written.

book #2
bloodsucking fiends by christopher moore

i needed a break from the stuffy english literature above, so my balance book (i usually read 2 books at the same time, and rotate as needed) was a comedy. if you havent guessed, i'm a huge moore fan. his sharp observations and wit are fresh & unique. i love his wry outlook on life, his beta male (& female) characters and his outlandish plots. red-headed jody is unexpectedly turned into a vampire while returning home from work on in san franciso. needing a daytime ally, she recruits tommy, our beta male and night grocery store clerk. tommy & jody encounter many a trial attempting to figure out jody's "condition", and by the end of the book, you may be a bit frustrated... the book abruptly ends, and has been one of moore's fan's greatest struggles. over a decade later, moore gives us his sequel: you suck. i'm terribly excited about it, and i'm sure i'll run straight to borders to snatch it up - just... not at night...

book #3
anne of green gables by l.m. montgomery

audiobook. yes, i have listened to this one before. but it's anne of green gables!! how many times have my female readers out there seen/read/listened to anne's stories?? for my male readers: this is a fun coming-of-age story about orphan anne shirley entering the prince edward island home of sister & brother marilla and matthew cuthbert. she's got spunk, she's got smarts and she's got more than enough imagination share with everyone she meets in the town of avonlea. such a great heartwarmer for listening to on long, cold drives home from work.

book #4
as i lay dying by william faulkner

i'm still deconstructing this one in my head, so i cant say much about it yet. written in local dialect, the reader is carried into the novel as a direct observer to the bundren family's saga. addie bundren, mother & wife, passes on, and we follow the family as they attempt to bury her in her home town. this is a very striking work. i definitely enjoyed it, and i keep coming back and lingering over the characters. faulkner is touted as one of the greatest american writers, and thus far, i'm in agreement.

all in all, a solid month! on deck is some fluff, another book about death, and a little sci-fi.