for those who are in or around sane

Friday, January 27

so i know i havent blogged in a while. it's been a rollercoaster of events over the past few weeks... i got a job at a publishing house, which i love thus far, it pays decently and has great benefits. so i've been busy trying to find "business casual" attire in my wardrobe (very difficult after 3+ years of employment at a "completely casual" facility), busy keeping in touch w/ friends in MN and busy making new friends in IL.

the bad news: 1. Wally Szczerbiak was traded in the lousiest trade i've seen EVER. ohhh wally, i shall mourn your loss... and your pretty face... 2. i got the "wrong" cta pass - i should have gotten the one that automatically deducts from your checking account. 3. i have to drive 45 min to get to work now.

the good news: 1. b & i are all set up and love the neighborhood - so please come visit!! 2. i've managed to make the transition from small nonprofit to big corporation smoothly. 3. i'm on an intrermurual volleyball team, on which i suck, but everyone else does too, and we go out for dollar burgers afterwards.

i'm still sad about leaving the cities and my friends behind. i'm sick of constantly meeting new people. i got so sick of it that last saturday, instead of going out and socializing, i went to my mom's house to eat supper with her and get a big fat hug. i need a bit of familiarity. b is great for that. i dont think this would have been as easy or fun if i didnt have her w/ me. but frankly, i want my old schedule back. on wednesday night, i had a sneaky suspicion that something was wrong, that i was forgetting to do something. and i was - i was not able to attend Writing Group w/ Lo. yes, we did manage a 45 min conversation via phone, but it wasnt the same.

i have had more ideas to write about, but with my schedule as busy as it is, i havent had a chance to get them down on "paper" (ha, what an expression these days - i only type my thoughts now, who needs paper??).

so it's friday, and sarah & colette are visiting b & i overnight! i'm sure we'll enjoy the 3am feedings... ain't she cute? she's my first friend baby, and i'm sure she'll be terribly spoiled by her eager "aunts". :o)

Tuesday, January 3

click me

this is what pisses me off. not b/c it's unentertaining. or that it's poorly done. but i met some of the MN rollergirls and they convinced me i should try out for a chicago team. but now, hells no. every damn girl with attitude is gonna try out this year. eff that. i wanted a decent shot, but now it would be all fists and elbows... sheesh...

oh, and the tx rollergirls are no where near as tough as the mn or il girls... heheh...


Im a fake Chicagoan. I’ve lived here long enough (in my past life) to know what to wear, how to look, where to go. Where not to go. But I’ve lived away for so long that my MN jeans fit too snuggly here. Or too loose. I cant decide which. NYE… a random party. Ive been to enough of these functions. Usually we’ll run into an old friend of h’s. That’s b/c we’re always in his freshman territory. Now were in mine.

So we take a cue from a new/old friend. A guy who has always been one of the nicest people on the planet. We meet up with him at a random party and I run into an old acquaintance. i don’t know if you’d even call him that. He never acknowledged me in hs. But I never wanted to be acknowledged by him. Short, smart and cocky as hell, I always hated my direct rivals. And, being told every day that you’re pretty actually does have an effect on your ego (no matter how much puppy fat you yourself have). So perhaps I used to be that cocky son-of-a-wretch. Maybe I distanced myself and became the exact asshole I was trying so hard to avoid.

Anyway, the kid insulted h. Not overtly or with malice. But with a cocky sense of self that I didn’t notice clearly until the fog lifted 24 hours later. “he’s so negative”…. Now, if he would have said that h was an asshole, I would have been proud. Odd as that may seem, he’s my asshole, and I’m damn proud of him for poking, prodding and creating mischief wherever he wishes. Especially if I’m in on the joke. However,… he said ‘negative’…. In a negative way. And then proceeded to be negative about the party, it’s people and the booze. Odd how people usually see their faults in others like that.

My favorite part about going to parties w/ h happened again. I’m relieved it can happen in any situation – even on my territory. Funny how I feel more comfortable in other people’s territory. Anyway… my favorite part is where h and i go to separate convos and periodically meet up to stick up for each other, jab a joke or share a cig. Then by the end of the night, one of us indicates departure time, and off we go together. Arm in arm, to sleep next to each other in whatever state of drunkenness we subjected ourselves to.

And the kid didn’t respect this. I don’t think he saw it for what it was. I don’t think he’s ever had a stable relationship where that would occur; where you can still maintain seperateness: where there is indugence in self and shared finding. mutual respect.

So he pissed me off b/c of his lack of respect for my relationship, however fucked up it is. but, i still had a great time at the party. and the hangover was definitely enough to make a new years resolution of less booze and cigs... owie. :o)