for those who are in or around sane

Thursday, December 15


i've been compartmentalizing lately. it's about crunch time for the move, and instead of worrying my nails to nubs and fretting about, i've created a compartment for my worry.

i see it as a huge gray, metal locker.

i have other compartments in my life too. the work compartment is most noteable, and probably the one that everyone recognizes. what happens at work stays at work. i happen to be blessed by not being a workaholic. this means i dont feel the need to talk about work at all outside of it's setting. the work box is a nice, simple, polished wooden box. it's got great hinges & no lock on it.

the shopping compartment is a dirty sock hidden under my bed. i dont like to think about how pretty i feel in new clothes or how much money i wont have for food if i buy new shoes, so i keep it hidden, dusty and silent.

but this gray, metal locker, it's got a big ol' combo lock on it (like back from high school) and it has air holes in the top. it's standing on it's own in a dark room. periodically i open it and stuff a few more things in it, then i slam it shut, and stalk out of the damp room and try to forget it exists. i guess it's a lot like your grandparent's scary basement when you were a kid. sometimes you had to throw laundry down there or, heaven forbid, clean down there, and it was always a slightly clammy, nerve-wracking experience. well, for those of us w/ unfinished basements it was.

consequently, when i go back upstairs to my happy, well-lit main floor of life, i just dont need to think about that dank locker. so i dont. and when phil, the mailman asks me "are you all packed yet?" i stare at him blankly, head cocked..... "ohhh, for the move?? heh, well, sorta. i have a few days set aside for finishing."

i dont see chicago, or the actual move as a gray, dank experience. in fact, i'm rather looking forward to the change of pace and the challenges i will find. but the lifting of goods, the hauling of cat, the lack of familiar good night hugs and b's 2 week departure all weigh heavily enough to create the current need for a gray metal locker.


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