for those who are in or around sane

Monday, October 23

dwelling...

i don’t know what the hell is wrong with me today. i seem to be going through a lot more emotions, and it’s conflicting with my normal state of mind. i know it’s mostly pms.

i don’t get cramps or chocolate cravings… i get weepy and introspective. things hurt a lot more than they normally would. rather, my head is forcing me to feel things that i wouldn’t normally let myself feel.

this may sound odd, but one of my fears is dwelling on toys. i don’t like going through the toy aisle at stores, or lingering too long in front of garden gnomes. i have an irrational love of inanimate objects with faces. i know what ruined me: stories like the velveteen rabbit and the brave little toaster. i hate thinking about the demise of things.

i am guessing this is so sharp in my head lately b/c of my dad. i watched his demise. it happened too quickly. faster than a child abandons a birthday teddy bear.

so i’m afraid of things going away. of bad change. a lot of stressful things are happening in my life right now (neverending…), and some of them risk incorporating bad change into my life. some of them are irrational stresses - things i know better than to dwell about. but once you start dwelling, it’s hard not to keep going.

blah.

3 Comments:

Anonymous Anonymous said...

I do the same thing, well not about toys neccessarily - though when I was a child I usually liked one toy out of the whole stack of look alike toys (particularly stuffed ones), because I thought it was different or special. And for some reason I could always tell which one I put back. I felt like I was abandoning the first one I choose if I didn't stick with it. This is the reason I can't go into a pound today, I'm sure of it.

But to be fair, I think everyone is afraid of bad change. It's just that after a dramatic, bad change we become more afraid of it. Ah, well, I don't really have any advice. Just an ability to commisurate, plus advice is pretty futile. I just watch TV when I am feeling overwhelmed. Of course, this may not be such a good idea at work :-)

10lees

10:45 AM

 
Blogger dr. gonzo said...

ohmygosh, i totally do that with toys too!!

and you are right - bad change is a worry of the world. it's not healthy to dwell on it, but it is ok to be aware of it.

so i went home and worked out furiously for a while, then consumed 3 glasses of wine. that sure helped! oh yeah, and TV. bets and i watched a great movie.

2:39 PM

 
Anonymous Lo said...

I have no advice either, but call me if you need to talk. I'm always up these days.

8:08 AM

 

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