for those who are in or around sane

Sunday, November 9

the unknown.

its not that i dont want you anymore. in fact, it's the opposite. i have wanted you for so long, and had my heart wrenched in such a difficult position for so long, that i want you more than anything... anyone... but... i'm exhausted. i need my heart to uncurl and open to the world again.

i'm told i'm strong. i'm told i'm proactive and good and kind. but i know what's really there. there are a hundred ways i'd take you back. i have searched for any of them with all my faculties; waited patiently... patiently... i'm not out of patience, but time forces movement.

slowly... i uncurl... the room is too bright and too big. i dont know what anything holds, where anything is going. too many things are up in the air. but that air is fresh, and i gulp it down.

hope is a relative term. hope is so thick in the air right now, it sticks and pads the walls. the little things make me smile. i guard my heart and simultaneously prepare to throw it open. the unknown awaits.


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